Because I can

i’ve been out of my mind for a while, but that’s between me and my mind; “does that seem right to you”; what’s life without work and how i miss the drive down Texas blvd through 5am mornings (the air is heavy enough to keep you warm with the occasional shiver), or the solitary drives through tree-dark streets outside of Durham (stopping on the graveled side roads just because i could); “Your nut sack is full of green cards”; the ever static sequence of creation and destruction in my scotched pot – creatures of energy, heat bubbles, start one by one to break the surface – they’re exploding just so i may have a cup of tea and I don’t even want to wake this early; “does that seem right to you”; I’m told the real love, the her-smile-is-stronger-than-any-coffee love, the i-need-my-arms-around-her-because-they-were-made-to-be-around-her love, only happens in different languages; but N, the wise romantic, who spoke these words and fell in love more times than I have ever laughed, is now stuck in bitterness and contempt…so long, so broken, so unfortunately familiar – his heart is no longer in this dimension; it’s no secret womanly wiles take their toll; “does that seem right to you”; I heard a single loud noise first, then a few loud noises, then a few more, all from my roommate’s room and my mind immediately figured he had hung himself and I waited 5 whole minutes before bothering to check, he was redecorating his room; “I watched it for a little while/ I liked to watch things on tv/ satellite of love/ satellite of love..”; I have an obsession with redesigning my website but this obsession does not belong to me and i can’t ever seem to get it right; I was watching Sunshine Cleaners with E yesterday, the people that killed themselves had some comedy surrounding them and we laughed at these people so easily without the remembrance of June, of Ian, so easily; “does that seem right to you”. I feel bad for people that feel the need to pick fights on youtube comment sections; what are the mathematics of hate, the derivative of animosity, integral of contempt; chicken or the egg, chicken or the egg, or the egg, or the egg – that shit always gets to me; i need to find God again but don’t recall where i left him last; the breeze is cool out here and it will become humid like yesterday. i’ve been feeling “grown up” recently, undoubtedly due to my ability to think freely and my transition to the “invisible guy”; “does that seem right to you”; treat me as I have treated you and i’ll carve apologies for all your tears on my desk, maybe; i can’t wait until school starts, my new office feels important and favorable possibilities exist – just a few squares down the hall.


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: